A Mother's Guilt
by Lila Priceless
Summary: Uchiha Itachi as seen through his mother's eyes.


It was her fault. All of it was her fault.

_That child. It's almost as if he was born to kill. _

He was eight the first time she heard it. She had stopped by hospital to visit a friend on the day her son had returned from his first mission.

_You should have seen it, we were surrounded. I just knew we were dead when all of sudden the kid just starts making these hand signs and all of a sudden throws a kunai right at this guy's throat. His buddies were so surprised that the kid was one us and not the mission they didn't even realize he'd thrown the shuriken until two more of them had fallen. I swear, if he weren't there we'd be dead. Dead I tell ya; that Uchicha Itachi sure is something._

She dropped the flowers she'd been carrying when she heard her son's name mentioned. She sank to the floor heedless to the glass from the shattered vase as the words echoed in her mind her child, her beloved child, was born to kill.

Month after month, year after year it was the same after every mission. More and more shinobi were awed by her son's ability to kill. At first it was only those who'd been on a mission with him discussing it amongst themselves, then it was their wives and mothers stopping her as she ran her errands to express their gratitude for her son saving their loved ones life. She couldn't escape the fact that her son; the child who was once scared of his own shadow, the child who clung to her desperately, the child who would run from butterflies was now a cold blood killer - killer who killed in the name of his village and to protect his comrades, but a killer nonetheless.

It was her fault. She was in her prime when she became pregnant with her first child. She rarely accepted missions after getting married to the head of the Uchiha Clan, but she was physically fit enough to do so. She trained with her husband twice a day and spent her idle time teaching taijutsu at the academy. She continued to exercise thoughout her pregnancy, but motherhood softened her. Instead of training she devoted all of her time to her husband and her son. By the time her second pregnancy came around she had softened considerably. She barely had the energy to care for her son and spent most of time either sick or asleep. She spent the last 6 weeks in bed before giving birth to another boy.

Unlike his brother, Sasuke was a very demanding infant. He rarely slept and cried often for no reason. Whenever she found time to be with Itachi, she was soon drawn away by Sasuke's cries. She felt both guilty and relieved each time he told her, "It's okay Mama, I know he's little and can't do anything for himself. I'm a big boy. I can take care of myself." If only she'd been strong enough to raise and protect both boys at once.

The more time she spent with Sasuke, the more time her husband spent with Itachi. He soon noticed those things she'd hoped to keep hidden for a while longer. The child had remarkable aim, the balls he'd thrown to knock over cans were replaced by kunai and shuriken. His thinking ability and tracking skills were no longer limited to hide and go seek and scavenger hunts but expanded to include hunting and stalking an enemy. His ability to mimic her actions and the actions of those around him were used to develop the Sharingan abilities hidden inside his innocent childlike eyes. Each day she'd noticed the light inside of him growing dimmer as one more aspect of his childhood was stripped away. He no longer clung to her or even ran to her when he got hurt. He ran to his father and bragged about his injuries or how he'd done it all by himself.

It was rare, but sometimes he let his guard slip and allowed his true age to slip out, like when he sat mesmerized at the fireworks festival, or jumped at the sound of lighting or checked to make sure no monsters were lurking in the water before he took his bath. It most often came out when he played with Sasuke. He liked to pretend it was all for his brother's sake, but she knew he liked the toys that made noise and lit up as much as her younger son. She pretended not to notice when he'd sneak them back to his room and only to blame Sasuke when her husband found them. She'd even hidden a few of them in there herself while he was on missions so he'd find them when he returned. He never said anything or acknowledged her actions, but each time he left, she would find those same toys in the pantry, her sock drawer or the flower bed so she could continue the game when he returned.

When he was 11 they had a conversation she'd never forget. Her husband was on a mission and Sasuke was asleep. It was just the two of them on the porch enjoying the night breeze when a shooting star flew by overhead. She closed her eyes and when she opened them he was looking at her. "Did you make a wish?"

She nodded "I wish I were stronger. I want to always be strong enough to protect you and Sasuke and make sure you're both happy. I want to be strong enough to preserve what's left of your childhood and to protect Sasuke's. I wish I were strong enough to have kept you with me longer. I know you have to grow up, and I don't want to stop you, but you've seen so much anger and violence. I want you to know that everyone isn't like that. The world isn't like that. You can do anything you want to do. You don't have to be a shinobi, you can be a scientist, a doctor, anything. You don't have to limit yourself to what others want you to be. You don't have to spend your life ending the lives of others. I want to be strong enough to make you realize that, I want to be strong enough to make this entire village realize that."

"I know. I probably won't be a shinobi forever. I don't know what I want to do, but until then it's ok if I do this to make everyone happy."

When she woke up the next morning she was still on the porch. The two of them had talked until they fell asleep. At some time during the night Sasuke had joined them. It was strange, the three of them curled up on the hard wooden planks of the porch, one of her precious babies on either side of her. It was well worth the crick in her neck.

It was two years later when Itachi decided what he wanted to do with future. By then he had established himself as a strong candidate for the next Hokage and people had already begun to pin their hopes on his little brother as well. His decision to retire was met with resistance and never made it outside of the Uchiha main house. She'd sat quietly as her husband voiced his displeasure at her first born telling him to do as he liked saying Itachi was not his only son.

Even now as she lay in the pool of blood, she can't blame him. She can only apologize for failing to protect him. She'd grown used to the phrase her child was born to kill. The words no longer surprised her, but pain was still a raw as the first time she'd heard it.

"Stop Sasuke. Don't come in here!"

Her life had almost faded away when realization was suddenly thrust upon her.

"Don't come in here!"

Itachi wasn't born to kill.

"I told you not to come in here!"

He was born to protect. He'd found a way to do something that she herself was unable to do. He'd protected Sasuke's future from the unyielding demands of the Uchiha family. She had watched helplessly as they had taken his childhood and robbed him of his future and she watched silently now as they made plans to do the same to his brother.

"Hate me. Hate me with all that you have. Live"

She died with the vision of Itachi wrapping his arms around her pregnant belly. "Don't worry Mama. I'll look out for him so nobody can bully him or make him do stuff he doesn't want to like eat worms or push his face in the dirt. I'll be a good big brother…"


End file.
